Keep Showing Up: How Michelle found deep healing and community.
Note from Sydney: Our third (!!!) class of Blaze Your Own Trail to Self-Love starts on Sunday, and we’re inviting program alumni to share their stories. The post below was written by Michelle Z., who has completed Blaze Your Own Trail to Self-Love, attended Hike + Heal Catalina Island as well as Hike + Heal Joshua Tree last year.
Interacting with Hiking My Feelings in its various manifestations - starting with reading Sydney’s book, then participating in the Blaze Your Own Trail to Self-Love (BYOT) program, and finally diving deep into community on HMF retreats - became the backbone of a support system that’s helped me drastically change my life. I had spent my first thirty years avoiding or hiding my feelings at all costs and putting all my effort into achieving - first in school, and then in my career. I was externally excellent at both, but I felt empty and paralyzed, which was keeping me trapped in my depression.
Signing up for BYOT and then showing up for the first few meetings was one of the bravest, most vulnerable things I’d ever done.
At that point I could barely identify my own feelings, and sharing anything remotely emotional with a group of strangers was almost inconceivable given my social anxiety. But that group of strangers almost immediately became a consistent, safe place for me to explore and share the parts of my life and painful thoughts that I had kept in the dark for so long. The tools and activities introduced in the program were extremely helpful and I continue to return to them over a year later. But simply being present and open during the meetings was the most important benefit for me. In most parts of society we cover up our pain, and it can be easy to feel alone.
In BYOT I quickly saw common threads weaving all of our stories together and it felt like the most natural thing in the world to just hold space for one another.
Since the conclusion of the program, I’ve left the job that no longer fulfilled me. I transitioned to working full time on my own mental health, and am close to concluding a cognitive behavioral therapy program, fortified with tools to help me change the thoughts and behaviors that contribute to my depression and anxiety. I finally care for and believe in myself enough to pursue a new career. The path is still unfolding, but I know I will be helping youth connect with, understand, and protect the natural world. And I’ll be doing it outside instead of from behind a desk.
I have endless gratitude for every person I’ve had the privilege to meet through the HMF family. Maybe I will see you again in the next round of the BYOT program (yes, it’s that good).
Note from Sydney: We’re excited to share that Michelle will be joining our upcoming class of BYOT in a hybrid student-facilitator role!
On Sunday, February 20, we are hosting an open house for Blaze Your Own Trail to Self-Love (BYOT).
Come see the work in action and feel the warm embrace of the Hiking My Feelings Family.
During the open house, you can meet the community, learn about the program, and participate in the first activity of the program, the Trail of Life Self-Reflection Workshop. We will reflect on what we've survived so far so we can draw deep inspiration to help carry us through the next chapter of our lives.
Inspired by the cover of my book, this interactive workshop sets the foundation for the work we do together during BYOT and our Wilderness Wellness retreats and other programs. It is a solid start to a self-reflection practice and you'll walk away with new tools in your toolbox, improved self-confidence and self-awareness, and a bunch of new friends to cheer you on as you take responsibility for your healing.